


not going anywhere

by samwhambam



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Honeymoon, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, angsty, asshole ex-boyfriends, but with mostly feelings, drunk patrick!!, newlyweds, patrick stands up to awful exboyfriend, patrick wears patterned button ups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 22:15:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19186441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samwhambam/pseuds/samwhambam
Summary: It's the first night of their honeymoon and all Patrick wants to do is spend time with his new husband. Candlelight dinners and relaxing on the beach, letting David rub sunscreen into Patrick's skin every two hours. But instead of a romantic dinner on their first night, they're at dinner with David's tool of an ex-boyfriend and his new boyfriend. Chad's presence opens up old scars and Patrick's heart breaks for his husband.





	not going anywhere

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paceyjay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paceyjay/gifts).



> *There is a brief mention of underage sexual activity and the topic of consent in that situation. But it is only a small paragraph/maybe 2.* *There are a couple of smutty scenes, but they're not super graphic, so that's why they get a mature rating and not explicit*
> 
> Hi! I hope everyone enjoys the fic! (Especially paceyjay :) ) I had a fun time exploring this cute lil universe. I tried to make it angsty, but I think everything come off feeling more "feelingsy" instead of "angsty". 
> 
> I 100% named Chad after the Chad from the bachelorette. 
> 
> Also, it didn't click until 28 pages in that I actually named a OC 'Steve' and I didn't want to go back and change it. (Sorry Stevie)

_ “Honey, wake up.”  _

Patrick groaned as he dug his face further into his pillow. He felt a hand caress his shoulder, lips press against the bare skin of his back. 

“Patrick,” David whispered into Patrick’s skin, moving up his spine until he was pressing a kiss into the back of Patrick’s neck. 

He shook his head and he could feel David laughing above him. 

“Wake up, Mr. Brewer-Rose,” David said into his skin, pressing his fingertips into Patrick’s side. 

Patrick let out a shuddering breath at David’s words, his skin prickling with anticipation as David’s lips trailed down his back, David pulling down the sheet covering Patrick as he went. 

“Are you awake yet?” David asked into the skin right above Patrick’s ass. 

“Only if you move those lips lower,” Patrick said, turning his face so his cheek was against the pillow. He moved his head just a bit more so he could peek at David. 

David smiled up at him, nudging his nose into Patrick’s skin. Patrick felt hands on his ankles, fingers skimming up his legs and rearranging him, pushing his knees up and into the mattress. 

“Okay, but after we’re going to go to that little restaurant overlooking the ocean to get breakfast,” David said before licking into Patrick. 

Patrick gasped and moved his body into a more comfortable position. He rocked his body back, pushing against David’s face. 

“Anything you want,” Patrick moaned out as David pushed his tongue into him, using a hand to stroke at Patrick. “Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Wherever you want.”

David laughed, pressing his forehead against Patrick’s ass, his hand still jerking Patrick off. He gathered beads of precum, smoothing it over Patrick. 

“You know what I want?” David asked as Patrick rocked his hips faster, pumping himself into David’s fist. 

“What?” Patrick asked, his hands twisting at the sheets.

“For my husband to turn around so I can watch his face as he cums,” David said, removing his hand and pulling at Patrick’s hip. 

Patrick turned over, pulling David into a kiss. He came, gasping, with David’s mouth around his cock and fingers in his ass. Then David was kissing him, the taste of Patrick’s cum prominent and then David was moving his body up, knees on each side of Patrick’s head. Patrick opened his mouth, accepting David as he fucked into his mouth, moaning around David’s cock. 

David moaned long and low as he came and Patrick marveled at his new husband above him. David rolled off of him, leaning back on the pillow next to Patrick’s, his chest rapidly rising and falling. 

“God, I can’t believe I got to marry you,” Patrick said as he maneuvered onto his side, pressing his face into David’s thigh. 

“Oh, believe me, the pleasure is mine,” David smiled down at him, raking his fingers through Patrick’s hair. 

“Why are you up so early?” Patrick asked as he drew circles on David’s knee. “Not that I’m complaining about my wake up call.”

David shifted down, laying face to face with Patrick. He shrugged, pressing a chaste kiss to Patrick’s lips. 

“I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I missed you and wanted to wake you up,” David whispered between them, pulling at Patrick’s chin. “Also, I don’t want to waste a minute of our honeymoon.”

Patrick couldn’t help but smile, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. It was their honeymoon. After a year of planning they had gotten married, and now they were on their honeymoon. They were out of Schitt’s Creek for the week, out of the country and away from their families. They were alone and celebrating being husbands. 

“Let’s get dressed and go get breakfast,” Patrick said. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to David’s cheek before he rolled out of bed. He was halfway to the hotel bathroom when he looked back, catching David watching him walk away. 

*

Patrick had packed light, skipping his jeans for denim shorts and button ups for t-shirts and a couple printed, short sleeve shirts. The ones that David had raised his eyebrows in delight when he saw. 

_ “I can’t decide if I want to make a comment about you dressing like a frat boy or a lesbian,” David had said, running his hands over the soft fabric, the shirts lined up on their bed. He picked one up, holding it up and squinting his left eye to line it up with Patrick’s body.  _

_ Patrick had just raised an eyebrow at him before pulling sneakers out from under the bed. They were the white pair he never wore and David hummed in appreciation.  _

_ “I think I’m going to like this look on you,” David said before he placed the shirt back on the bed. He started pulling out his own sweaters. _

_ Patrick placed a hand on David’s arm, pausing his movements.  _

_ “Babe, it’s an island. It’s gonna be warm. There’s going to be a beach,” Patrick moved closer, stepping behind David and into his space. He wrapped his arms around David’s waist. “You don’t want to get sand in cashmere.” _

_ David shivered, desire pumped through his body at his own form of foreplay.  _

_ “Plus, I want to see your skin,” Patrick continued. “Can you do that for me?” _

_ David nodded, his eyelids already feeling heavy, turning around in Patrick’s arms to face him.  _

_ “I am taking a couple of back up sweaters though,” David compromised and Patrick smiled up at him.  _

_ In 18 hours, they would be married. But of course, neither one of them were counting down.  _

_ “I figured,” Patrick said, kissing him.  _

_ They had packed quickly, going over the checklist David had created, multiple times.  _

_ When Alexis had picked him up for the night, Patrick had walked him down to the front door. Alexis had, had to honk, multiple times, to drag David out of Patrick’s embrace.  _

_ “15 and a half hours!” David called out to him from the passenger door.  _

_ “I’ll be the one in the suit, next to the flowers. Probably crying,” Patrick had said and David smiled, shaking his head, but blowing Patrick a kiss.  _

_ Alexis honked again.  _

_ “I’m right here!” David had snapped as he threw open the door. “Literally could’ve just rolled down the fucking window.” _

“What shirt are you going to wear today?” David asked through the bathroom door. He could enter, he knew Patrick wouldn’t care, but David himself still cared. 

“I’m not sure,” Patrick’s voice was barely audible over the flush of the toilet. David strained his ears against the water flow from the sink, trying to distinguish if Patrick was saying anything. 

The door swung open and Patrick pulled him into the bathroom. 

“You already know which one you want me to wear, don’t you?” Patrick smirked. 

“The bright blue one with the white and pink flowers on it,” David said as he reached past Patrick, turning the shower on. 

Patrick followed him in, skirting around the edge of the water. He let David enjoy the heat of the water before he turned the knob, lowering the temperature just a few degrees. Showering took much longer than either of them had anticipated, but that was expected.

*

“I like that shirt on you,” David said, flicking at the short sleeves of Patrick’s button up. He fingered the fabric, twisting and pulling at it until Patrick shifted closer to him. 

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Patrick smirked at him. He couldn’t see David’s eyes through his sunglasses, but he was willing to put down good money on account of there being a mischievous glint in them. 

“I’m sorry, what was your question?” David asked. With his free hand, he lifted his coffee to his lips, taking a sip. 

Patrick stole the cup from David’s hands, lining his lips with the imprint of David’s lip balm and taking his own sip. He grimaced at the taste before putting the cup down. 

“What did you want to do today?”

David blushed, the soft pink gracing his olive cheeks. He let go of Patrick’s sleeve, instead fingering at the first done button of Patrick’s shirt. With quick fingers he undid the button and Patrick’s shirt exposed even more skin. David loved that Patrick never did the top button of his shirts. Sometimes, if the spacing of the buttons was just right, Patrick would undo the top two and even more of his milky skin would be exposed. 

David ran his index finger over the newly exposed skin.

“What else did you want to do today?” Patrick asked as he caught David’s traveling finger, pressing a kiss to the tip of it. “We have to spend some time outside today.”

“Do we though?” David pulled his finger free of Patrick’s hold. Instead he drew circles onto one of Patrick’s exposed knees. 

“Yep,” Patrick popped the ‘p’, the sound short and abrupt. 

“Okay, well, then. There’s a bookstore a few blocks away. I noticed it on our walk over. We head over there, peruse. I want to get a book or two. We can walk around a bit, then get lunch. Go back to the hotel room. I’ll watch you change into your swim trunks, but I won’t touch you. Get myself a little frustrated. Then, we’ll come back down to the beach. I’ll sit in the sand and read my book and occasionally get distracted by you while you frolic in the ocean,” David explained the day and Patrick couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Sounds like you’re aiming to objectify me all day,” Patrick pointed out, his eyes closing as David’s hands skimmed up his thigh. 

“What can I say?” David leaned in, pressing a kiss to Patrick’s earlobe. “My husband is really hot and I just want to look at him.”

*

David had bought one book and steered Patrick clear of the non-fiction, business and economics books. At the last second he picked up the Kama Sutra, raising his eyebrows at Patrick who only laughed.

_ “You know we could probably just google it for free, right?” Patrick had said as he gathered their purchases in his arms.  _

_ “I like physical copies,” David shrugged as he led Patrick out of the store.  _

They changed quickly in their hotel room, David had one arm through a sleeve of his sweater when Patrick touched his waist. 

“Leave that for tonight,” Patrick pulled the material gently from David, kissing him.

“You’re asking for a lot of compromise from me. I’m already going to be spending a lot of time sitting on sand today,” David said, pouting in just the way that Patrick adores. “I am stepping very far out of my comfort zone.”

“Just think, this evens out with those swim trunks I saw that you packed for me. They seem very short,” Patrick stepped away from David, folding the sweater back into David’s perfect square. He left it on the edge of the bed and David was left standing in his white undershirt and black shorts. His legs were much more bare than usual and Patrick had to resist the urge to run his hands up them. 

“Those are swim shorts and they are much more flattering than what you had before,” David said. He sat on the bed, leaning back against the headboard. He waved his phone at Patrick. “Now, am I allowed to take dirty pictures of you during our honeymoon?”

“As long as they go in your locked folder,” Patrick said as he began unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Honey, no one else is allowed to look at you naked. I’m pretty sure that’s what you said two days ago in your vows,” David opened his camera, getting ready to line up for the shot he wants. “Leave your shirt unbuttoned but take everything else off.”

They arrived at the beach rumpled and when Patrick took his shirt off, David smirked at the marks littering Patrick’s chest. He was beautiful, he was perfect, he was his husband. He snapped another photo, making a duplicate so he could photoshop out the hickeys for an instagram appropriate photo. 

After a kiss and a heavy layer of sunscreen, Patrick dipped a toe into the ocean, sighed at the warmth of the water and then walked in. He felt his body relax. He waded in the water, letting the waves push and pull his body. The sun was bright and he wished he had grabbed his sunglasses. If he went quickly, he could be back in the water within a minute. He dipped under the water, appreciating the pressure around him before he stood, his shoulders above the water.

When he looked to David there was a man standing and talking to him. The man was tall, wearing only a speedo and Patrick didn’t know where the hell he had come up from but he didn’t like the way he was towering over his husband, his fists on his hips and his body rigid and defensive. But what Patrick hated more was the look on David’s face. He had pushed his sunglasses up onto his forehead and his eyes were hard. Steely. Cold. 

Patrick had never seen that before. Even when they fought, David’s eyes had never looked so indifferent. His lips were set in a scowl, like a model whose instructions were to look sexy. David looked scary, unapproachable but still beautiful. But Patrick wanted that man to go away so David could continue to look at him how he had on Saturday and every moment since then. Warm and loving. 

“David,” Patrick called out as he approached. The man turned to look at him and the cold lines of David’s face melted once they made eye contact. 

David stood up, wrapping an arm around Patrick’s shoulder and pressing a kiss into his temple. 

“Patrick this is Chad. Chad, this is my husband Patrick,” David introduced them. Patrick held out his hand.

“David and I used to fuck,” Chad said as he took Patrick’s hand. Patrick gripped it a little tighter than his usual handshake, anger flaring in him at the way Chad said ‘fuck’. Also,  _ who leads a conversation with that?  _

“Okay,” Patrick said. He dug his fingers into David’s side, pulling him closer into Patrick. Patrick tried to fight it, but his body went into possessive mode and he couldn’t help but flex, tensing his muscles. He didn’t have much to flex, but he felt the need to do what he could. He already knew where the conversation was going.

Chad looked down at Patrick’s left hand and Patrick felt proud. He was wearing David’s ring. 

“Married, huh?” Chad laughed, shaking his head. “Never would’ve thought that’d be in the cards for you.”

“Patrick was too good for me not to snag up,” David smiled at Patrick, reaching up to brush at his wet hair. Patrick had grown out the top just a little bit. Not enough for anyone to notice, but enough that there was a hint of a curl at the end when it wasn’t styled. David noticed. Because of course he did, and he loved it. He was always fingering at the ends when they were alone. 

“I guess that’s what happens when you lose everything,” Chad shrugged. “Mediocre becomes your best.”

It was silent except for a faint ringing in Patrick’s ears. David was still, his body was rigid next to Patrick and Patrick didn’t know who was going to crack first. 

Patrick had been in two physical fights before. Once when he was a teenager and a guy on the opposing baseball team had made one too many snarky remarks after Patrick’s team had lost. The other was at his cousin’s bachelor party four years prior and they were both drunk. Patrick was ready to make this fight number 3. 

David slid his arm up, wrapping his arm over Patrick’s shoulder. His fingertips were stroking at the skin above Patrick’s heart and Patrick wanted to get David back to their room. Wanted to erase what Chad had already told him, and would probably tell him in the future, from David’s mind. 

“Nothing about this is mediocre,” David rebutted. “I’m glad what happened, happened.”

Patrick watched David’s face. It was back to cold and firm, and then in the blink of an eye, warm and tender when Patrick slipped his finger beneath the waistband of David’s shorts. He dragged his short nails against David’s skin.

“You guys should join me and my boyfriend for dinner,” Chad propositioned and Patrick wanted to scream  _ ‘hell no! Why would we do that?!’  _ but David was nodding.

“You know what, yeah, that’d be great. It’ll give us time to catch up,” Is what came out of David’s mouth and Patrick suddenly felt like murder might be the only plan of action. What a shame they had only been married for two days. 

“Oh, are you sure? Cause maybe Chad and his boyfriend should have a romantic night together,” Patrick glared at David, hoping that he would pick up the tone of his voice.

“Nah, Steve and I would love to join you guys. Tell you guys about what David’s missed in the last couple of years,” Chad said, smiling at them and Patrick changed the victim of his crime. 

“More than a couple of years,” David muttered next to him. 

_ Not the point, David.  _

“We’ll meet you guys outside your hotel? 7 pm?” But before anyone could answer him, Chad was confirming his own time and walking away. “Nice to meet you, Peter.”

And then he was gone. 

“I want to make it clear that I do not want to go to this dinner,” Patrick said as he stepped away from David.

“Part of me doesn’t want to either,” David said. He sat back down on the sand, grateful for the umbrella that the resort had supplied them. 

“Great, let’s not go,” Patrick confirmed. He found the sunglasses in David’s bag. He pulled out the towel David had brought from their room and laid it out on the sand. 

“We have to go,” David said. His voice was soft and unsure and Patrick wanted to push aside his annoyances but all he could focus on was having to sit at a dinner table with Chad and someone else he had never met. Two nights after his wedding. 

“Why?” Patrick laid down on the towel, maneuvering so he was comfortable on his front. 

“There’s a stupid part of me that feels the need to show him that, after everything that’s happened, my life is better than ever. That i’m not the joke him and everyone else thinks I am,” David’s voice was low and Patrick knew they were going to that dinner. No matter what, they were going. 

Patrick reached out, wrapping a hand around David’s right ankle. 

“I love you, David.”

“I’m so grateful for you, husband.”

Patrick gripped his ankle harder, the swell of his heart threatened to break his ribs and how did he get so lucky?

“If you want to nap, I’ll wake you up in 20 minutes so you can flip over and tan your front too,” David offered and Patrick pulled David’s sandy bare foot to his face and placed a soft kiss on the arch of David’s foot. 

David yanked his foot back as Patrick laughed. 

“Okay. That? THAT was incorrect,” David huffed. 

Patrick was still annoyed, but less so. 

*

“Will you tell me more about Chad?” Patrick asked as he sat down on the edge of the tub. He was ready, back in the shirt from this morning at David’s insistence. His wedding ring  _ clinked  _ on the porcelain when he gripped the edge of the tub. “I really wanna know what we’re getting into.”

“There’s not much to know about him. He’s an asshole that I dated for a short amount of time. Maybe two months? Went over one day and there was some dude half naked on his couch. He asked if I wanted to join them. I said no,” David said as he fingered the front of his hair. He twisted at the strands, teasing the roots just a bit. 

_ Not the worst.  _ Patrick thought. Out of all the stories David had told him about past flames, this breakup seemed relatively tame. He remembered the anger he felt when David told him about Oscar, who had gotten David high on painkillers and abandoned him in a club. And Tessa, who had belittled David so badly, she swindled an all inclusive vacation and a car out of him.

“I said no and then he just kind of shrugged and led the other guy into the bedroom,” David continued and Patrick’s heart sank. Of course the story wasn’t over. None of David’s stories of past relationships had neutral endings. 

“That’s awful, David. I’m sorry you were treated that way,” Patrick said. He wanted to get up, wrap his arms around David, but Patrick could see the  _ ‘I don’t want to be touched right now’  _ wrinkle above David’s right eyebrow. He also wanted to take off running with the address of every single one of David’s exes, kick down their front door and scream  _ ‘how dare you!’  _

David shrugged. His hair was perfect, but he kept pulling at the strands. 

“I was an asshole, back then. And I was so insecure. If I were them, I would’ve taken advantage of me too,” David stared at himself in the mirror, his hands finally down at his sides. He pulled at his sweater, straightening it out and Patrick couldn’t move. 

There was something paralyzing about watching the love of his life being so mean to himself. Years and years of abuse had weighed David down so heavily that even after years of a happy relationship, he could easily slip back into a version of himself that felt they didn’t deserve love. 

He wanted to scream at David, tell him it wasn’t his fault. None of this was his fault. He wanted to tell him that none of those assholes and their past behaviors should change how David views himself, because they don’t matter. The only person that matters, is David himself. But he knew he couldn’t. Willing away the trauma didn’t do anything. 

Patrick felt like he had failed him. How could he get David to see that love was meant for him? The thought was selfish and Patrick hated himself for turning this into his own shortcomings, but he couldn’t help it. Not when he couldn’t help his husband.

David walked out of the bathroom, flipping off the lights as he went. Patrick sat in darkness for a second before David realized what he did, stepped back and turned the light back on and said  _ ‘sorry’. _

Patrick wanted to yell at him, tell him not to apologize. Not when the person who treated him like shit was meeting them downstairs in half an hour. 

“I think I’m going to go downstairs and get a drink at the bar. Wanna join?” Patrick proposed. 

David pursed his lips. Patrick could see the gears turning in his husbands mind and he knew what was coming. 

_ I need to build my wall back up before I go and have dinner with someone I hate, but if they let you bring it up, a polar bear shot would be nice. _

“I’m feeling really anxious and I don’t think I’m ready to be around people yet. If they let you bring up drinks, can you bring me one? Maybe a polar bear?” David breathed out and then perched on the edge of the bed. 

“Of course,” Patrick agreed. He pressed a kiss to David’s forehead before he left the room, key in hand. 

*

Patrick paused at the top of the stairs to rub his hands over his eyes. He remembered the first time David had actually talked to him about his exes and with a heavy heart, we made his way down the stairs. 

_ After the Rachel fiasco, Patrick had held David tightly, whispering promises into his ear that they would talk about it all. David held him back even tighter, almost as if he could squeeze the truth out of Patrick. Patrick watched as someone passed by the store and he was reminded of how little privacy they had in Schitt’s Creek. David was still breathing heavy. _

_ “I have an idea, do you trust me?” Patrick asked, his arms still wrapped around David. _

_ “Mostly,” David replied and Patrick blinked back tears. Because he deserved that.  _

_ “How about, we close early tomorrow? Go away for the night. Come back Sunday evening,” Patrick suggested as he pulled out of the hug. He kept his hands on David’s shoulders, an arm length between them.  _

_ “Oh, Mr. Brewer. Trying to romance me back into your bed so soon?” David asked with a full smile. He shimmied his shoulders as Patrick laughed.  _

_ “I just figured, we have a lot of talking to do and it’d be nice to do it someplace neutral,” Patrick ran his fingers over the leather of David’s sweater. “Someplace where your family won’t interrupt every 15 minutes and where Ray won’t be trying to listen in.” _

_ David moaned as he nodded his head.  _

_ “Sounds like a plan,” David pulled Patrick in for another kiss, this one longer than the other. _

_ Patrick had taken care of all the planning and at 2 p.m., they flipped the sign to closed and took their time closing up shop. David had kept stealing glances that made Patrick blush and Patrick knew he could never get tired of it. David’s attention electrified him, left him wanting those eyes on him forever. David had once complained that his eyes were too brown, too deep to notice any changes in color or pupil size. Patrick had shushed him with a kiss because that was not true.  _

_ David was the most expressive person Patrick had ever met, and that went deeper than just hand movements and facial expressions. When David loved something, you knew it. Even if he kept his body still. There was a brightness to his eyes that intensified depending on how happy he was, how appreciative he was.  _

_ When they made it to their hotel room, they both threw down their bags, toed off their shoes and climbed onto the bed. Patrick had laid on his back, reaching into the space between them to grasp at David’s hands.  _

_ “I’m torn between suggesting we pick up pizza and a bottle of wine and eat here in our sweats or proposing that we get pizza, but eat there in civilization,” David said, breaking the silence.  _

_ “Whatever we do, can we nap first? I haven’t slept well in a week and it’s catching up on me now that we’re here,” Patrick suggested and David’s heart clenched with guilt, he hadn’t meant to drag the break out past three days and he had honestly, only really been thinking about himself. _

_ It hadn’t occurred to him, until he walked into Rose Apothecary to reconcile, that Patrick was also suffering. He should’ve listened to Stevie and reached out earlier, once he realized he was ready to hear what Patrick wanted to say. But there was something in him that needed to revel in the attention that no one had ever given him before. _

_ “Of course,” David said as he rolled over and tucked himself into Patrick’s side. Patrick fell asleep before David could get comfortable.  _

_ David had woken Patrick with a kiss and a whisper of ‘i’ll be back with food. Go back to sleep.’ When he returned they sat on the little alcove at the window, pizza box snuggled between them and drinks and napkins tucked between their legs and the window.  _

_ “When was your first kiss?” Patrick had asked, ready to get to know his boyfriend. In the days after the barbeque, he had created a list on his phone of questions, things he wanted to know about David that had previously been off limits. He wanted to make his way down the list at whatever speed David was comfortable with. They just had to make it through.  _

_ “I was 16,” David said through a grimace. “My parents had gotten Alexis a math tutor and he was really cute and flirted with me a lot. And this was at the height of the candy raver days. So, I was taking what I could get. _

_ “One day Alexis was late coming home and it was just the two of us and he made a move on me and we kissed. And then fooled around,” David picked off a chunk of cheese off his slice, taking a moment to chew on it. “He was like, 28 at the time? I think. He might have also had a wife, but the way he talked about it was ambiguous.” _

_ “David,” Patrick sighed.  _

_ “Oh, I know. Looking back I shouldn't have kissed him back, or let him touch me, or let him talk me into it. But I was young and got swept up in it all,” David shrugged.  _

_ “He shouldn’t have made a move on you. Not when he was so much older than you. He knew he was taking advantage of you,” Patrick insisted. His hands were greasy, so he stretched out a leg, bumping his foot against David’s and holding it there.  _

_ David just smiled weakly at him.  _

_ “How old were you?” David asked.  _

_ “14. I was at a classmates birthday party and we played spin the bottle. We only played for maybe 5 minutes before their mom found us all and made us stop. This girl named Stacey and I were talking about how it didn’t land on us. She made a joke about feeling left out and we kissed,” Patrick shrugged. “When Rachel and I got together and I told her about it, she was so upset. I was her first kiss and she wanted to be mine.” _

_ “Young love,” David said wistfully, shaking his head and blinking at the ceiling.  _

_ It was Patrick’s turn to shrug.  _

_ “I think this is the part where you tell me about her,” David said. Patrick made eye contact. Part of him wanted to push it back another day, brush it off. But David needed to know. _

_ So Patrick told him. He told him the whole story, retelling every large milestone that they hit that just made him feel worse and worse. He told him about his breakdown, which led to a breakthrough. So he broke up with Rachel and moved, determined to figure out what life he actually wanted to live. Figure out what he was meant to do and he was finally putting his happiness first.  _

_ David hugged him at the end of it, wrapping his arms around Patrick’s shoulders with the exact tightness he knew Patrick loved.  _

_ “Now, tell me more about the people you dated,” Patrick prompted once David let go of him.  _

_ David groaned, walking through the hotel room into the bathroom. When he came back out, he sat on the edge of the bed, falling backwards. Patrick laid down next to him, turning his head to face David.  _

_ “Where do I start?” David asked, needing to be prompted. There were too many stories for him to be able to pick where to begin.  _

_ “Longest relationship, besides ours?” _

_ “Relationship with a title or does just seeing someone count?” David’s voice wavered and Patrick just knew the conversation was going to hurt both of them.  _

_ “Title.” _

_ “Um,” David shut his eyes. “The only other time I had a relationship with a title, I was 20 and in college, but that only lasted two months. I broke up with him because he was stealing my antidepressants.” _

_ “What a jerk,” Patrick whispered before tracing a line along the vein near David’s left eye.  _

_ “My longest relationship without a title was probably Javier when I was 26. We slept together for three months. He always fucked me from behind and we usually got high right before we had sex. One day, I looked back and watched him pull out, take off his condom and then started fucking me again. I freaked out, still let him cum in me that day and then blocked his number,” David said. The pain was evident in his voice and Patrick’s heart hurt. “I didn’t realize before then because I was always high out of my mind.” _

_ “David,” Patrick’s voice broke as he turned into David, nuzzling into David’s neck. David wrapped his arm around Patrick, pulling him closer.  _

_ “Sylvia tried getting me to be her drug mule. We had been dating for maybe a month when she asked me? I told her no and then the DEA came knocking on my door three days later asking about her. That was fucking terrifying,” David continued. He shook his head at the memory, then looked down at the top of Patrick’s head, focusing on the red strands intermixed with the light brown strands. “You don’t do drugs right?” _

_ “Nothing past weed and that’s legal now,” Patrick spoke. He pressed a kiss to David’s chest. _

_ “Perfect,” David squeezed him.  _

_ It was quiet for a second. _

_ “Alex hit me one time. But as soon as they did I kicked them out of my apartment and blocked their number.” David continued.  _

_ “I think the only one I actually really liked was Sebastian. He was really charming and easy to fall for. Everyone fell for him. He made me feel special. I was developing feelings for him quickly and then one day I told him that I liked him and I was hinting at making it official and he basically laughed in my face. Told me that he was seeing other people,” David shook his head. “I was humiliated.”  _

_ “David,” Patrick whispered, his voice broke and David was instantly in his arms. His face was tucked into Patrick’s neck and they were both crying.  _

_ David because he was so relieved that Patrick was the one there with him. That after all those years of failed attempts, years of thinking that he was broken and fucked up and the reason that he couldn’t keep a relationship, Patrick was here and trying with him. Patrick wanted to be with him. Patrick had fucked up, and yet sent him daily reminders that he was sorry. Patrick who would’ve gone to the end of the earth, if David had asked. And David knew that.  _

_ Patrick was crying because the man who he had grown to love and adore was laying his heart out. Each story tore at Patrick’s heart. How could so many people treat David like that? Sweet David who loved deeper than anyone else he knew. David who had kissed him first because he could tell just how much Patrick wanted it and how nervous he was. David who had, 24 hours ago, made a fool of himself to Tina Turner, just to prove to Patrick that he was all in.  _

_ Patrick dislodged himself from David’s arms, dodging the hands that were scrambling to pull him back. David’s eyes were wide, almost like he feared that Patrick was going to get up, walk on out the door and never come back.  _

_ “David,” Patrick whispered between them. He threw a leg over David to straddle his hips. David’s hands instinctively wrapped around Patrick’s wrists, holding Patrick’s hands against David’s chest. “You’re beautiful.” _

_ David shook his head, blinking quickly. Patrick could see where the tears had fallen off his face and darkened the duvet.  _

_ “You are. You’re a good person who takes care of the people he loves. You’re so protective of the people in your life. You never deserved any of that. I know it’s hard for you to see from where you are, but you didn’t deserve any of that. They were all assholes. They took advantage of you and did horrible things to you, none of which you asked for. Nothing will ever justify their behaviors,” Patrick grew angry. He gripped David’s sweater beneath his hands and hoped to God that it wasn’t cashmere. “Fuck them. Fuck all of them. They are garbage people and they will never deserve you.” _

_ “Patrick,” David whined. His eyes were glassy and his lips dry from him worrying his lips between his teeth.  _

_ “They were so stupid, treating you that way. Giving you up,” Patrick uncurled his hands when the thought dawned on him. “Oh my God, I’m just as bad as they are. I almost ruined us. I lied to you.” _

_ “Patrick,” David said, this time more desperate. He reached up, pulling Patrick down into a kiss. David keened into it, grabbing at more of Patrick, just trying to get him closer.  _

_ “David. David. David. David,” Patrick kissed into David’s skin, pulling at the collar of David’s sweater. _

_ David pushed him back a bit, sitting up and pulling off his sweater in one movement. Patrick’s hands were under David’s shirt in a heartbeat.  _

_ “There’s more, but I’m scared if I go even deeper you’re going to leave,” David whispered when he pulled away from their desperate kiss. Patrick used the break to pull his own shirt off.  _

_ “David, tell me. Please,” Patrick pressed David back onto the bed, holding David down with his solid body, drawing a whimper when he scratched down David’s chest. “Tell me everything. I want to know you.” _

_ David growled, flipping them over in an instant.  _

_ “After,” David kissed him, biting the kisses into Patrick’s lips. “After, I’ll tell you more. I just need you right now.” _

_ “I’m here, David. I’m yours,” Patrick gasped. “I’m not going anywhere.” _

*

They did let Patrick take drinks up, but he hadn’t left the bar yet. He drained his first glass, letting the whiskey sit on his tongue before swallowing it down. The double whiskey burned every corner of his mouth and he ordered another one along with David’s polar bear shot. 

“Can you charge them to room 214, again?” Patrick asked as the bartender placed the drinks in front of him. The bartender nodded and Patrick took a swig from his glass, tempted to finish this one too and take a third to their bedroom. 

“Parker!” Patrick heard a voice call from behind him. He started to slide off his chair, ready to go back up and see David when someone slapped him on the back.

Patrick turned around, still holding onto the drinks. He froze when he saw Chad sliding up next to him. 

“Hey,” Chad said, sitting down in the stool next to Patrick. Patrick nodded in lieu of greeting. “Double fisting, huh? Gotta get through the rest of the night, huh?”

“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to dinner,” Patrick retorted, the whiskey warming his skin from the inside. 

“Yeah, from what I remember, David could be a bit much,” Chad said as he flagged down the bartender. 

“I think he’s the perfect amount,” Patrick responded. He shot back the rest of the glass, swallowing in two gulps. When the bartender came by to take Chad’s order, Patrick added on another whiskey. 

They sat in silence until the bartender returned with their drinks. 

“So, what’s your story?” Chad asked, winking at Patrick. He clinked their glasses together and leaned towards Patrick. 

“Nope,” Patrick responded, turning on his seat, stalking away and up to their room.

*

David took his drink from Patrick’s outstretched hand, leaning into the kiss Patrick planted on his cheek. 

“This drink is a little warm and you smell like whiskey,” David observed, laughing slightly. It was a forced chuckle, one that made Patrick realize they were both equally uncomfortable. 

“Sorry,” Patrick said as he sat down on the bed next to David. Part of him wanted to tell David about running into Chad at the bar, but it wouldn’t do any good. 

“Cheers to our honeymoon,” David said as he held his glass up.

“Cheers to our first official night on our honeymoon,” Patrick said as he tapped his glass against David’s. They kept eye contact as they each drank from their cup. 

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to do this,” David spoke, swirling the liquid around in his cup. He took another drink, grimacing. 

Patrick watched him as he took another sip. Then a larger one. 

“I have a feeling you don’t want to do this either. So, let’s just not leave the room. We can cool off and then order up dinner and maybe see if they have a candle or two downstairs. Eat dinner on the balcony and then get a little frisky and then go to bed,” Patrick suggested. He knew David wasn’t going to say yes, but it was worth a try. 

“We have to. I have to,” David turned to Patrick, placing a hand on Patrick’s cheek. He pulled Patrick into a kiss. When they pulled away, Patrick pressed his forehead into David’s. 

“I know,” Patrick said as he pulled away. He fought it, but he couldn’t stop the hiccup from bubbling up his chest. 

“You’re drunk,” David commented. 

“Almost. After this glass I think I will be,” Patrick said as he raised his glass. David shook his head, laughing at Patrick as Patrick took a drink. His filter was starting to weaken. “I need it to get through the rest of the night. I ran into Chad at the bar.”

“Oh, baby. Drink up,” David said. He raised a finger, touching the bottom of the glass and pushing it upwards Patrick’s lips. “It’s gonna be a long night.”

It seemed like no time had passed, but David was leading Patrick out of their room. He stopped at the top of the stairs, flattening out the rolls of Patrick’s sleeves. His skin had deepened slightly from being outside all afternoon and David undid another button, tracing a finger along the newly exposed skin. 

“Thank you for putting this shirt back on,” David said. He ran his fingers through the top of Patrick’s hair, fluffing it up. Just the perfect amount of messy. 

“Mhm,” Patrick hummed as he caught David’s hand. He pulled it up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to David’s knuckles. 

“Don’t be mad at me,” David pressed and Patrick had to fight back an eyeroll. 

“I’m not mad,” Patrick responded. “Upset, yes. But not mad, no. Not yet.”

“Let’s go,” David said and then they were walking down the steps. Patrick took extra care, making sure his footing was correct. Even though he contemplated throwing himself down the stairs and insisting they go back upstairs so David could nurse him back to health. 

Chad and a young man were standing in the reception area, each holding a drink and Patrick leaned against David as they walked up. 

“He looks young. Can’t rent a car young,” Patrick whispered, and the way David slowed down made him think he hadn’t whispered as quietly as he thought he had. “Chad looks like a predator.”

“Okay, no more drinking for you tonight,” David insisted. He pressed a kiss to the side of Patrick’s head. 

“We’ll see,” Patrick said as he pulled himself up, standing as straight as he could. 

“You guys made it! We were starting to think you were going to ditch us in shame tonight,” Chad said as they approached. He leaned in and kissed both of David’s cheeks and Patrick couldn’t stop his eye roll. Then Chad was pulling Patrick into a hug and there was a hand on his ass, but he could see both of David’s hands. 

Patrick coughed, stepping back. David was back by his side, pulling on Patrick’s hand and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. They were going to have a long talk once they got back into their room and Patrick was already so, so tired. The three drinks had been a mistake, but there was nothing he could do about it now. 

“I’m David,” David said as he held out his right hand towards the younger man. 

“Steve,” He said as he took David’s hand.

“This is my husband, Patrick,” David introduced them and Patrick smiled at the sound of pride in David’s voice. There was no future that Patrick could imagine, where he would grow complacent in hearing David address him as his husband. 

If they were alone in their bed, Patrick would ask David to repeat the word  _ husband  _ as he fucked him. The sex would be long and slow and with the purpose of completely taking apart his husband, making David fully succumb to the pleasure.

Steve shook Patrick’s hand and Patrick couldn’t focus on the introduction. The introduction his husband had to make. Instead of Chad, who technically, should’ve been the one to introduce everyone. 

“You guys ready?” Chad asked, already moving and leading the group to the front doors. 

“Yep, let’s get this over with,” Patrick said as he moved to follow him and he jumped as David pinched his side. 

Steve just smiled politely at them as he jogged to catch up to Chad. 

“Be nice,” David whispered at him and Patrick almost stopped walking once he noticed the slight anger in David’s face. 

Patrick just shook it off, taking a step away from David. The hard set of his eyebrows had sparked a bit of anger in Patrick and he couldn't believe that he was being reprimanded. Not when Chad had been everything but nice to them. 

Patrick caught the door that Chad had let swing close behind Steve. He held it open for David even though everything in him wanted to stop his foot and refuse to move past the sidewalk. 

But he was doing this for David. Because David had been through a lot. Had lost a lot. And beyond the material items, he believed he had lost dignity along the way. Every bit of the reputation he had built for himself got pulled out from under him. He had said they all thought he was a joke and Patrick would bet good money that for a long time, that was how David had viewed himself. 

So he told himself to stop being an ass. Because David needed him tonight, more so than any other night. Tonight he needed a cheerleader, someone to be there when Chad inevitably began to gaslight him. And Patrick had made a vow and he was going to be the best husband he could be tonight. 

After he sobered up a little bit. 

*

The restaurant that Chad had chosen was a self proclaimed “Americano and Italian Restaurant” and Patrick shot David a look as they sat down. One that David totally saw, but chose to ignore. 

_ “I’m very excited to be able to explore cuisine again and eat something that Twyla didn’t scrape freezer burn off of,” David had said when they were researching where to go for the honeymoon. “I think that’s the one thing I miss from before.” _

_ “Okay,” Patrick responded. He handed David his laptop with all their tabs open. “Close tabs based on that, and then we’ll go from there.” _

_ David worked quickly, skimming screens and closing tabs until they had four left. From there it was another two weeks until they had landed on Bequia.  _

“Island full of fresh seafood and local cuisine and we’re here,” Patrick muttered and he felt a foot strike his ankle. He didn’t need to look up to know that it was David. Before Patrick could pick up his menu, a waiter stopped by with a basket of bread and David immediately reached in and put a roll on the plate in front of Patrick and he was very aware that he had already screwed up being a cheerleader.

Patrick stared at David, suddenly feeling defensive. He pushed his plate to the side so he could open his menu. He tried to focus his eyes on the options but his mind kept wandering. He was making this night harder on David, for no reason other than his own annoyance, even though he knew what it meant, big picture. He could hear David in his mind, comforting him, as he would’ve without a doubt, if David himself wasn’t going through the ringer.

He decided on the first thing his eyes focused on, right in time for the waiter to ask their drink orders. He asked for water and began to pick apart the bun as Chad began a long winded conversation with the waiter about wine options. Beyond the basic red and white, Patrick had little knowledge. He was still slowly learning, cataloging every little comment that David made. David wasn’t a fan of merlot, said that the tannins were too drying on his tongue, but he could slam back an entire bottle of Cab. Which, Patrick had witnessed many times. Usually on select Saturdays.

The bread was fine, the butter velvety and when the waiter was gone and David asked about how Chad and Steve met, Chad went into a story about someone’s annual white party, which Patrick was really hoping wasn’t a race thing. Someone else had introduced them and they hit it off. Names were being dropped that Patrick had heard of, back when he was with Rachel and she kept up with celebrity drama. David didn’t miss a beat with the story, asking further into the up and comings of their mutual acquaintances. 

Patrick tuned them out, instead focusing on the bread still left on his plate. And when the waiter placed his glass of water in front of him, he ran a fingertip along the rim. He caught Steve’s eye and smiled. Steve didn’t want to be there either. He had leaned away once Chad placed his arm along the back of his chair and as soon as the waiter popped the cork, he was holding out his wine glass for a pour. Patrick gulped back as much water as his stomach would allow. 

David grabbed Patrick’s wine glass, pouring him half of what he would’ve normally. Chad made a toast, one about reconnecting with old friends and Patrick wanted to roll his eyes but Chad was looking at him. 

“So, how long have you guys been married?” Steve asked when the silence stretched on for a beat too long. 

“Two days,” David said. He turned to smile at Patrick and bump their shoulders together. Patrick couldn’t help but pull David in for a kiss; something short and sweet. When they pulled apart, Steve was smiling widely at them, his hands tucked underneath his chin. 

“Mazel tov!” Chad exclaimed. A few people turned to stare at the sudden noise but he didn’t notice. Instead he topped off their drinks, even though no one had touched their glass besides him. “God, David Rose finally trapped a man.”

“How did you guys meet?” Steve asked. 

Patrick motioned David on, placing a hand on his knee. As much as Patrick loved telling the story of how they met and how they got together, he loved watching David tell it more. He loved seeing where David put emphasis on the story, where he developed his own personal timestamps. The past three years had been above and beyond what Patrick had thought he would have. Everything was brighter, full of joy and Patrick felt heard and taken care of. All because of the man waving his hands around in front of him. 

He caught one of David’s hands and brought it to his lips. Mouthed an  _ ‘i love you’  _ against the skin and the way David paused while telling the story let Patrick know that he had felt it. Patrick was drunk and feeling silly and he couldn’t care. He wished he could pause the moment, freeze time and tell David how he was feeling, so David could make a comment about how Patrick’s sudden change of emotions was giving him whiplash. He would probably make a comment about how it felt good knowing that he wasn’t the only drama queen in the relationship and Patrick would laugh and hush him with a kiss before hitting play on the scenario. 

David was in the middle of the proposal story when the waiter came back, placing their plates in front of each of them and when he left, Steve prompted David to continue. 

“So, what did you say your business was?” Chad cut in before David could continue. 

Patrick had almost forgotten he was there. Almost. He raised his wine glass to his lips, letting David soak up the spotlight. Because if there was one thing Patrick loved more than watching David talk about their relationship, it was watching him talk about the store. The pride in David’s voice almost caused Patrick to choke up. Instead, he just drank more of his wine. Across from him, he was pretty sure that Steve was falling in love with his husband. 

“So, you do the branding and Patrick does the actual business end?” Chad clarified and David nodded. 

“He’s the numbers guy,” David said and the look he gave Patrick warmed him more than the alcohol he had that night. David reached out, playing with the edge of Patrick’s sleeve.

“So, he’s the reason why your business hasn’t failed yet?” Chad asked and all the warmth and happiness that David had drummed up in Patrick was gone in an instant. Patrick dug his fingers into David’s knee, not sure if he was trying to reassure David, or keep himself under control. “Cause, your parents have nothing to help you with now, and let’s face it, everyone was aware that they were footing the bill for everything.”

Probably both if he was being honest. It was definitely both. 

“Oh, no. It’s only a success because of David. He curated a space where people feel comfortable coming in and shopping and trying new products. He can upsell a customer like it’s easy. He is constantly planning community events in the store that are real money makers. I just watch the numbers, he runs everything,” Patrick stated, trying to put into words everything David did that made Rose Apothecary a success.

There was more to say, there would always be more, but Patrick was just a little too drunk to eloquently put it into words. 

“Hey, don’t get so defensive! It’s all right, man,” Chad said. He reached for the wine bottle, filling Patrick’s glass. 

_ And why was he pushing Patrick to drink more?  _

The man even winked at Patrick and when Patrick turned towards David to see if David saw, Patrick was scared. Terrified even. He could see the steam blowing out of David’s ears. All that was missing was a twitching eye. 

Patrick took a pull from his drink, drinking more wine in two seconds than he had planned to drink all dinner. When David finally looked back to Patrick, Patrick tipped back half of what was left in his glass. David mirrored him.

Steve’s glass was empty and Patrick remembered each time he had slammed his each glass back seconds after it had been filled.

The waiter returned, refilling their waters and before he could walk away, Chad was reaching out, grabbing his wrist. He slid his hand down, running his fingers down the back of the waiter’s hand and Patrick quickly glanced at Steve who looked downright heartbroken. Chad ordered another bottle of wine, sending the waiter away with a smirk. 

“So, while you guys are living the simple, small time life…” And then Chad was off, talking some more about his life, different celebrities than he had mentioned earlier and David got sucked into the stories, asking questions about more people, this time they were people that Patrick had never heard of, but their names and the context of the stories made them seem way too important for no reason. But David was all in. 

And then they were talking about an art gallery someone had opened and there was a soft, wishful look in David’s eyes and Patrick finished his glass of wine. It was full when Patrick looked back to it and  _ who was refilling his glass? _

Patrick was drunk and David was listing off famous artists that he had never tried to teach Patrick and his plate was empty so there was nothing to absorb the alcohol. Steve looked just as bored but Patrick couldn’t talk to him, not with the lump that had formed in his throat. Not when he wanted to cry a little, but most importantly, not when he couldn’t help the thought of:  _ What if he misses this? _

Beyond the fact that Chad was an asshole, the night was slowly turning into a parade of things David misses. Or might miss about his past life. Was this going to ignite something in him? Something that yearned for his old life, made him do what he could to be running the bustling streets of New York City?

_ What if David left him? Would he leave him? _

With each negative comment his heart rang out, his brain supplied him with the thought that he was just drunk. Sober Patrick wouldn’t be thinking these things, not with how David had leaned back and put his arm around the back of Patrick’s chair. Not with how his fingers were drawing circles in the short hairs on his neck, taking breaks to run fingertips up and down his back. 

If David was planning his escape route, he wouldn’t be leaning closer towards Patrick.

If there was any chance he wanted to leave, he wouldn’t have married Patrick. He would’ve kept his guard up, never let Patrick in and Patrick would be alone right now, probably in his old bedroom in Ray’s. Strumming his guitar in pain. 

When he finally looks at David’s face, he notices the hard lines are back. He sees the way he’s closed off, eyes steely and brows furrowed in between with a permanent anger, even when he flashes Patrick a small smile. Patrick can see the defensive stance in David’s shoulders and all he wants to do is run his hands over them and a thought flits through Patrick’s mind. 

Patrick placed his left hand on David’s thigh, spreading his fingers over the black material of his pants. He needs to see the warmth back on David’s face, needs to see the man that married him. He moved his hand, letting his fingertips run along the inseam of his pants and that gets him another look. This time David looks at him longer, Patrick can see the way that he completely closes himself off from the conversation. A heartbeat passes and then David is smiling at him. It’s the little one with a corner of his mouth twisted, but his eyes are sparkling and Patrick knows that one. It’s the one when something’s going on and David needs to say “ _ hey, i’m here in this moment with you. You see what’s happening right? You see how ridiculous this is? I’m marking this moment in my mind because when we’re alone, we need to talk about this because I am bursting.” _

It’s probably Patrick’s favorite facial expression on David. It’s their own private, inside joke. Then Chad called David’s name and he turned back to him. 

If Patrick had met him earlier, would he still have fallen in love with him? Could he have fallen in love with the man that had replaced his husband, sitting next to him, that cold look in his eyes?

And then as soon as he thinks it, it’s gone. Because of course he would’ve. Even in the guarded way David is holding himself now, Patrick can see David. He sees the man he married. Sees it in the way David briefly looks down at his left hand, the gold rings glowing against his wine glass. Patrick sees the way he tilts his hand just a bit, just to see the way the gold moves in this specific lighting.  

Patrick truly believes that he would’ve found something to love, and then they still would’ve softened each other up, brought a warmth into each other’s lives. Because sitting there, with his wedding ring still fresh on his finger, he knows they were destined to find each other. Without knowing it, they had spent their lives looking for each other and would’ve continued to. 

He must’ve zoned out because when he blinks himself back into the conversation, David’s hand was on his face, moving gently against his cheekbone and when did he start crying?

“Realized you made a mistake, huh? Kinda wish we weren’t here for the break up,” Chad said and Steve shushed him. 

Patrick felt the anger flare inside of him. He clenched his hands into fists and David grasped his chin, keeping his eyes on David even though he was aching to jump across the table. 

“At least it’s dessert time. You can eat yourself into a hole of sadness, David,” Chad continued and Patrick tore his face out of David’s hand. “Patrick, let me know if you want to join Steve and I tonight. Steve loves being spit-roasted. It’ll be a great night.”

And there was that fucking wink again. 

Patrick grabbed his wine glass, tipping the rest of his wine into David’s cup. 

“Finish that,” Patrick ordered, motioning to David’s glass. David quickly picked it up and drank. 

“Chad, you’re an asshole. This whole thing of you pointing out people’s flaws to try to make yourself seem great is really fucking pathetic. David and I live a great life where we’re happy and we get to come home to each other every night and have hot, passionate sex. We don’t have to prove anything to you, nor do I want to,” Patrick said as he stood up. He reached into his pocket, extracting his wallet and clumsily pulled out some bills, throwing it onto the table

“I’m bored and would much rather be making love to my husband, than listening to you talk and insult him and us for no reason,” Patrick said and then he was walking away.

“You’re paying for dinner,” David said and when Patrick looked back, David had snatched the money off of the table and grabbed the bottle of wine out of the ice bucket. David pushed at the small of Patrick’s back, propelling him faster towards the door. 

“I don’t know if they’ll let us take the bottle, so hurry the fuck up before they can tell us no,” David whispered, passing Patrick and made it to the front door before anyone could see the bottle tucked into the side of his Givenchy sweater. 

They were halfway to the resort before either of them spoke.

“So, obviously, we’re going to talk about this,” David said. He held out his hand and when Patrick took it, he led them off the street and behind a building, to a bench overlooking the water. “Where do you wanna start?”

“I’m too drunk to lead the conversation, so you’re going to have to do that,” Patrick closed his eyes, leaning his head on David’s shoulder. 

“Okay.”

Patrick felt David’s body rock and he focused his attention on the stillness of his legs. He heard the glug and swish of the wine inside the bottle and the sound instantly transported him back to the first time he had seen David drink straight from the bottle. It was right after Patrick moved into his first apartment and David had gotten very drunk and performed a rousing rendition of “Always Be My Baby” that had left Patrick in stitches, but also very, very in love. 

“I’m sorry for making us go tonight. It was for a selfish reason and I should’ve listened to you and respected the fact that you didn’t want to go,” David said. Patrick felt David’s fingers slide against his own, and wrap around his hand. 

“Don’t apologize,” Patrick said. He opened his eyes and maneuvered his body so he was squatting in between David’s legs, still holding onto David’s hand. “I understand why you wanted to go and it wasn’t selfish. I get it. I shouldn’t have gotten drunk. I did not help the night. I should’ve been there more for you.”

“No, God,” David shook his head and he let go of Patrick’s hand to press his palms into his eyes. His voice was wobbly when he continued. “I’m so fucking embarrassed.”

Patrick ran his hands up David’s legs, gripping onto his thighs as David’s upper body shook. 

“David, no,” Patrick started, but David let out a sob and Patrick was frozen. He had seen his husband cry more times than he could count, but they were always just a few tears. It was watery eyes and blotchy skin and a couple of tears that Patrick could easily brush away. But this? Patrick didn’t know what to do. 

“I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. That was so bad,” His voice was shaking. David tilted his head back, his hands still covering his face. Patrick could see the shine of tears along his jaw. “I’m so fucking stupid!”

Patrick felt his heart break as he pulled on David’s wrists, tearing his hands away from his face. 

“Hey, you’re not stupid,” Patrick felt his body sway, but he pulled his core in to keep himself upright. 

David let out a watery laugh, giving in to the movements. Patrick held his hands down on his thighs, pushing them into David’s muscles. He let go, wiping at the tears on David’s face. 

“You’re not,” Patrick whispered between them, trying not to break the silent calm surrounding them. 

David shook his head, blinking hard as if to stop the tears but they kept flowing. 

“I am. I let it bother me. I let it bother me and it’s been years,” David’s voice was harsh and Patrick felt his heart break. “I don’t know why their opinion of me matters. I don’t know why I felt like I had to prove something to people who literally don’t give a shit about me. I knew he was a fucking asshole and it wasn’t going to fucking do anything. And yet, I still made the decision to go. And I fucking forced you to go and I knew you didn’t want to go.”

David balled his fists on his thighs, kneading his knuckles into the fat. Patrick felt an immense sadness for his husband he loved so much, who suffered years of abuse at the hands of countless partners. It pained Patrick to know that no matter how much he showered David with love, it would never heal the scars on his heart. 

It would never erase the doubt, the uneasiness that David felt at times. And Patrick knew love wasn’t an easy fix, a cure all to all of life's troubles. He hurt for his husband. 

“Hey, we’re in this together. We’ve been in this together for the past three years. And baby, you’re stuck with me. Forever. I will always go to every dinner you think we need to go to. I will always be here. So, let’s take that part out of the conversation. We can talk about that later, but I think there’s something bigger here,” Patrick held David’s face, keeping him in his line of focus. 

David huffed another laugh, a sad chuckle with no breath support. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Patrick’s lips that knocked Patrick back. Patrick pushed forward, kneeling on the ground. 

“How did I get so lucky with you?” David muttered against Patrick’s lips. Patrick opened his eyes, going a bit cross-eyed. He leaned back until he could actually look into David’s eyes. 

“We both got lucky,” Patrick said before kissing David. 

“I can still taste the whiskey,” David said, finally moving his hands and threading his fingers behind Patrick’s neck. With a thumb he pressed against the corner of Patrick’s jaw, tilting his head up. 

Patrick couldn’t help the moan building when David pulled on him, straightening his spine as he reached higher to continue their kiss. Patrick loved it, the teasing, pushing and pulling between their bodies. He loved when David kissed him hard, taking everything from Patrick in a moment of passion, and then pulled away with a feather light kiss and Patrick was too wrapped up in the moment to resist chasing David’s lips. David would usually chuckle before wrapping Patrick up in his arms and kissing him silly again. 

Patrick pulled away, gripping the collar of David’s sweater. He could feel David’s tears on the side of his nose, smeared there from their kiss. 

“I can’t believe it still bothers me,” David hiccuped. He ran a finger through the tears he left on Patrick’s face. When he reached the corner of Patrick’s mouth, Patrick let out a growl and snapped at David’s finger. 

“Oh my God! Patrick!” David squealed and then reached for the buttons of Patrick’s shirt. He undid another two and when he looked into Patrick’s eyes, Patrick shivered at the look of hunger. “I’m feeling a lot of feelings and I don’t know how to process them and you have that drunk Patrick glow and I love this shirt on you.”

“Whatever you need,” Patrick knew they had so much to talk about, but David looked too beautiful, he needed Patrick too badly. And Patrick understood. They both struggled with their emotions, had grown together through the years and Patrick knew what David was saying. 

_ I need a distraction because these emotions are too big. I’m drowning and I need you to pull me up from beneath the waves.  _

Patrick pushed up the edge of David’s sweater, fumbling with the button and zipper of David’s jeans. He looked around quickly, checking behind David. No one was around, the street was quiet. 

“I’m here David, here for you,” Patrick said as he held his hand up and David licked along his palm. Patrick stoked David’s cock, pushing his other hand up David’s abdomen, his hand cool against David’s warm chest.

“I hate who I was before I came to Schitt’s Creek,” David gasped out as Patrick kissed along his cock.

Patrick hummed against him. 

“I hate that I let all those people walk all over me.”

Patrick took David into his mouth, running his tongue along the tip.

“I was vulnerable and looking to be accepted and they took advantage of that.”

The blow job was messy, Patrick was still too drunk to finesse it, to make David see stars, but he knew it was enough. David had a hand in Patrick’s hair and another one gripping Patrick’s collar. 

“I was so scared for so long that you were going to leave me once you realized how damaged I was. How broken. That I wasn’t going to be worth fixing for you.”

Patrick pulled off of David, letting David fall out of his mouth with a soft  _ ‘pop.’  _ He rubbed his forehead against the inside of David’s thigh. He blinked back the tears, remembering the early days, when he had the same insecurities. 

“God, Patrick. Even, now. Please, don’t listen to anything he said earlier.”

David gasped. He couldn’t hold back. He thrust shallowly into Patrick’s mouth. The heat was warm and inviting and so, so Patrick. His husband who, after they got back together and the Rachel fiasco was over, had rented a hotel room in Elmdale, driven them out and stayed up all night asking David question after question about his life. Patrick who had held David closer after David told him about the coke filled weekend of San Francisco Pride in 2007, when he had woken up in a roomful of naked people and absolutely no recollection of the night. 

Patrick would take care of him. He always did. 

“I can’t lose you. Now. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” David gasped, his voice high. He moaned, loud and low.

Patrick just worked harder, the desperation in David’s voice encouraged him.

“Please, don’t leave--,” David said, cutting himself off. In the quick second, his fingers tightened in Patrick’s short hair, pulled him off of David as he twitched and he came on Patrick’s bottom lip and chin. 

Patrick quickly reached up, scooping what hadn’t dropped off his chin into his mouth. David reached down, ready to pop open Patrick’s button and jack him off, but his hand touched Patrick’s dick instead of denim. 

Patrick looked sheepish, but held up his hand covered in his own cum and David sucked each finger into his mouth, running his tongue along each digit. 

“David,” Patrick whispered in the silence between them, the words barely audible. 

“Hm?” David brushed a finger along the skin at the base of Patrick’s neck. 

“I’m never going to leave you,” Patrick said as he threaded his fingers into the hair at the crown of David’s head. He gripped it hard, just the right amount of pain that he knows David needs. “I don’t care about what anyone has to say about you. Chad is a fucking asshole. I know you. I fell in love with you. You’re right for me.”

He pulled David down into a searing kiss. 

“You’re worth so much to me,” Patrick paused, took a shuddering breath and continued. “It’s going to take longer than 3 amazing years to build you back up after years of assholes tearing you down, but that’s okay. We have the rest of our lives to work together and grow and learn how to take up the space that we deserve.”

They were both crying this time. David shuddered into their kiss, wrapping his arms around Patrick’s neck. 

Patrick pulled away. 

“Nothing will ever take me away from you,” Patrick muttered against David’s lips. 

“I love you,” David sobbed.

It still took Patrick’s breath away, hearing David say those three words. 

“I love you too,” Patrick replied and they stayed there, hugging and crying. Neither of them said a word, just swayed side to side in the moonlight. 

“Not to ruin the moment, but can we go back to our room? My knees really hurt,” Patrick said, holding onto David as David leaned back, laughing into the night sky. 

*

They were laying in bed, facing each other and sharing a pillow. 

“I think out of all your exes, I hate Chad the most,” Patrick whispered.

“He’s not the worst one,” David responded. “He’s also the only one you met.”

“I met Sebastian,” Patrick said. He grabbed David’s hand, bringing it up into the space between them. 

“I blacked that out of my memory,” David shook his head, his hair dragging on the pillow. David pulled the sheets up above his mouth with his free hand. “But it’s all coming back to me.”

“At least Sebastian didn’t try to have sex with me,” Patrick brought up, still completely bewildered at Chad’s advances. As if it didn’t fit the profile of one of David’s exes.  

“Oh, he did. He tried. He made comments,” David’s speech was muddled, so Patrick pulled at the sheet, tucking it in under David’s chin. 

“What?” Patrick asked. 

“Yeah, he was using his normal pick up lines. You just didn’t catch on,” David shrugged, his smirk a little smug. Even though they weren’t dating at the time, David had felt an immense satisfaction at seeing Patrick immune to Sebastian’s advances.  

“Yeah, I had my eye on someone else,” Patrick said as he wrapped an arm around David’s waist, pulling him closer. 

David kissed him, pushing the sheet away from their bodies. He moved so he was laying on top of Patrick, propping himself up off his chest with an arm. 

“We’re married and I’m still afraid you’re going to leave me,” David whispered when he pulled away. 

“I know the feeling,” Patrick responded. “Sometimes I get scared that you’re going to miss your old life and leave me.”

“I could never.”

“Maybe. But also, who knows?” Patrick bumped his nose against David’s. 

“I know,” David pushed up, moving until he was straddling Patrick’s hips. 

Patrick just shrugged a shoulder, as well as he could. David ran his hands up Patrick’s bare chest. 

“God, I didn’t know it could be this easy to love someone,” David whispered and goosebumps erupted over Patrick’s chest. “I figured I was born to have a string of meaningless relationships until I died. Probably early. And alone.”

“David,” Patrick ran his hands up David’s arms, raking his fingers through his arm hair. 

“We’ve talked about how people have done fucked up things to me, but I did shitty things back. I have always felt so damaged and I lashed out at people because of it, hoping it would make me feel better. I hated myself for it. But, you. You made it easy. You reminded me that sometimes, it works out and it’s worth it and I will live each day in fear of you leaving me if that means I get to spend another day with you,” David spoke into the silence. Patrick stared up at him and the look on his face was a sucker punch to his gut. 

It was how he had looked at him on Saturday, and Friday night when he had sneaked to the motel in the middle of the night, just to see him. It was the same look Patrick had given him throughout the relationship, too many times to count. 

“Look at you,” Patrick said, his fingertips still trailing up and down David’s arms. “Talking about your feelings. No hives in sight.”

“You could say that I’ve gone through some character growth,” David smirked down at him.

“Kiss me, Mr. Brewer-Rose.” Patrick breathed between them, his hands running over David’s shoulders, up his neck.

“My pleasure.”


End file.
